Strategies for effective mentoring: Building Trust

November 4, 2019

Allison McWilliams

Allison McWilliams is assistant vice president, mentoring and alumni personal & career development.  She writes occasional articles for Inside WFU.  This is her third for the fall 2019 semester.  In each, she shares observations and suggestions with faculty and staff from her professional experiences with students.

The most effective mentoring relationships are built on trust. As a mentee, I want a mentor who I can trust to keep my confidences, to show up and be present for me, and to have my best interests at heart, each and every time we meet. As a mentor, I want a mentee who I can trust to keep confidences as well, to show up prepared and ready to learn, and to do the work of mentoring and not to waste my time. These seem like small, basic expectations for any effective relationship. And, as anyone who has had a relationship go off the rails can attest, easier said than done.

One of the reasons that informal mentoring relationships are often more effective than formal ones is because the work of building the relationship, the work of building trust, has already be done. Think about any effective relationship you have, whether it’s a friendship, a professional relationship, a romantic relationship, or something else. What makes you value that relationship? Whether you call it that or not, it’s likely due to the trust that you have built with that other person, and which that other person has built with you.

So how do you build trust with someone you are mentoring (or managing, or supporting)?

Practice disclosure. As a mentor, my job is not to fire off questions at my mentee, demanding answers. Nor is it to uphold some illusion of perfection. Great mentors share their own stories, including challenges they have faced and places where they have struggled, as well as lessons learned along the way. In doing so, they demonstrate to their mentees that it’s ok to share their stories, too.

Keep confidences. When someone discloses something personal to you, make a promise to you and to them that you will keep their story confidential. Building trust doesn’t happen through the words that we say, it happens through the actions that we do. Be grateful that someone trusts you enough to give you their story. And repay that trust in kind, by keeping it.

Keep your commitments. Finally, a great way to build trust is to keep the commitments you have made to this other person to show up and be present for them. We know that the most effective mentoring match is the person who is willing to show up, consistently, over time. Be that person. This is a great way to role model effective relationship behavior, as well.